Customer

Big sale, I think I can walk out of here with a new bed under $350.  I want a queen, not too firm but not that temprasomethingorother shit.  This one looks nice, $370, made of soy, available in queen, wait what? Made of soy?  They make tofu beds now?  Huh?  Well it's not squishy like tofu, but still a little to soft for my taste.  Next.  Too small.  Too big.  Too expensive.  Here's one.  On sale for $310, made in the US, available in queen, let's try it.  No way, too stiff.  Oops, missed the sign that said extra firm, my bad, moving on.  No.  No.  Nope.  No.  No.  Maybe?  $35o, new design for optimum back support, available in queen.  This sounds pretty good, let's try.  Wow, this isn't half bad.  Not too soft, not too hard.  I feel like Goldilocks but this may be just right.

Escort

Who needs a desk when a bed is your office?  Life is easy, sleep all day, party all night, fuck, sleep in, and repeat.  People think I'm nothing but they have it all wrong.  They're nothing, I've just figured out the system.  I don't need to buy a bed when I sleep someplace new every night.  I get paid to sleep around and all I have to do is fake it.  You always have to fake it, don't get attached. The only thing I'm attached to are these hotels.  Nice rooms, clean sheets, big beds.  Isn't it great? No 9 to 5 for me.  I have it made.

Homeless

Where am I going to sleep tonight?  I just overheard that they are closing down the park for renovations.  Now the gates are locked and the back entrance is boarded up,  shit.  I was starting to get used to it over there,  I fit perfectly in one of the nooks in the playplace and it was great shelter from the wind and snow.  I could go to the shelter, but I have to get there by five and I don't think I can get back from the health clinic by then.  Shit what am I going to do?  There is supposed to be a blizzard tonight.  Maybe I can go underneath the Gates Bridge, I think I have some buddies who still live there... I guess I'll have to check it out.  

Big Boy

I don't know about this big boy bed.  It seemed really cool earlier today, but now its a lil' scary.  Why can't I sleep with Mommy and Daddy and still play in my race car during the day?  That sounds good.  Yeah I like that idea.  Cause it is sooo cool.  I have my own race car!! But at night, my room gets all scary and my closet grows eyeballs.  Mommy says they are just doorknobs but I know they're staring at me.    I really don't like it in here, not one bit.  I'm going sneak into Mommy and Daddy's bed.  Maybe if I'm really quiet they won't notice...

Hotel Hopper

Not bad, the Hilton last night was better but this will do.  It's a little short, must be a California King.  Crisp yellow linens, green down comforter, way too many pillows for one, seems about right, or at least I think?  It has been what? One month since I was here last?  That's hmm twenty something beds in that time, I'm pretty sure I stayed in this room last time.  Never can be sure though.  They all start to look the same after a while.  A bed is a bed right?

Camper

We've gone what forty miles today?  Another five and we can stop and make camp.  I'm exhausted already, I can't wait to curl up in my sleeping bag and spend another night out under the stars, nothing beats it, nothing.  Well maybe my king sized bed under the stars would beat it after the way these roots have been treating my back, but this ol'sleeping bag will have to do. She is smelly and dirty and warm and has been home for the past six weeks.  I don't even know how I will be able to sleep on a normal mattress after this, Delilah and I have grown quite close... 

Husband

It has been eleven days, she has to want some of this,  I look good tonight.  Oh yeaaa I do.  Oh no, she has the flannel pajamas on, this is going to be a challenge.  I know, I'll PRETEND I don't want to do anything but that will just make her go wild.  She's gotta want a piece of this, who doesn't?  Are those the? Crap, this is going to be harder than I thought, she is wearing the granny panties.  What to do what to do...?

Wife

Finally they are asleep, I didn't know if I was ever going to get Michael down.  I'm exhausted, I just want to go to bed, I'll clean tomorrow... or maybe I'll suck it up and have Marie come over.  I can take her passive aggressive bitching for twenty minutes if she just cleans this mess.  I leave to go grocery store for less than an hour and the place turns into a pig stye.  Thanks Ray, you are a big help... Here he comes.  Oh crap, I know that grin.  He is not getting any.  No how, no way.  We had sex last week, he can wait.  I know, I'll put on the granny panties and my oversized flannel pajamas, that will keep him away.  Hopefully...

Insomniac

What the fuck?  I need to go to sleep I have a test tomorrow at 8:00.  If I fall asleep now I can get in five solid hours, that's legit.  Okay, sleep.  Shit.  Why is it that no matter how comfortable this bed is, I can't seem to get this pillow right? Uggggh!  I hate calc.  Who needs it anyway?  And what is up with this 8am bullshit?  People should not need to be awake that early in the morning, never mind be awake enough to take a test.  FUUUUUUUUCK my paper is due tomorrow too! SHIT SHIT SHIT.  Okay I'll wake up at 7:00 go to class, take the test, go to lab, go to work, then go to the library.  I wonder if they will let me skip work?  SHIIIT.  Fuck finals week this is ridiculous.  How do they expect me to finish 7 papers take 5 finals in less than 2 weeks?  I feel like college is harder than it used to be and professors don't remember what it is like to take 6 classes and have 2 jobs and be involved on campus.  WHY IS THIS PILLOW SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE?! UGGGGGGGH.  

It is 6:50 and the sun is already out, how did I waste the whole night?  I just want to go to sleep and now I have to get up... fml.

Lost Lover

He is never going to kiss me again and he's never going to hold me again.  He isn't going to change the channel from TLC to ESPN anymore and I will never find his dirty socks on the bathroom floor.  He isn't going to make fun of my rotten cooking or tell me I'm beautiful when I take off my makeup before bed.  

I miss finding his dirty socks on the floor.  I miss having to fight for blankets in the middle of the night because he's a blanket hog.  I miss waking up to him in the morning and falling asleep in his arms every night.  I miss creeping out of bed to brush my teeth so he can't smell my morning breath and I miss feeling safe when I go to sleep.  So I will sleep on the couch because that is our bed in there.  That is our bed and he is gone.  And it is cold, and it is empty, and it is not mine.  

All Nighter

I'm exhausted I just want to go to bed.  Pulling two all nighters in a row was a bad choice.  I miss my bed.  I miss curling up under my sheets and the bajillion throw blankets.  When I was working on my paper last night I sat at my desk because I knew that if I got in bed it would be all over.  It is just too damn comfortable.  It is like it was saying "Come lay on me, you won't regret it..."  Now I'm regretting NOT listening to it.   What I would give for this class to be over...  I just want to go back to my dorm and go to bed.  Hell it doesn't have to be my bed, any bed will do, I just need sleep. 

Billy Collins' Schoolsville

I rarely leave the house. The car deflates
in the driveway.

Why does the mayor never leave the house anymore?  Has his role as leader and teacher ceased?  Do the townspeople no longer need him?  Rarely do they come to visit, but maybe he can still help the D student applying lipstick at the drugstore.  Perhaps the mayor believes his work ended in the classroom, but a teacher's work never ends because we never stop learning.  The enthusiastic student will never stop asking questions and the boys in the back of the classroom may need more guidance even after summer vacation rolls around.  Yet the mayor remains in the house, quizzing the chandelier and lecturing the wallpaper.  For a teacher's work is never over, and their spirit for teaching still burns after their students are dismissed to the world.  

10 Alternate Terms for Place

position

put

lay down

location

venue

destination

setting

realm

spot 

area